i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
