We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize