no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize