I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
