I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
