Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
