My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
