Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
