why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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