i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
