They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
