My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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