I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
