I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
