I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
this hospital has no fireball
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
