i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
