2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
