I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
