mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
