go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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