my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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