Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
birth control should be required to get into college
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
