it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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