You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
