we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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