Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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