Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
