Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
