We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Enjoy the penises
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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