I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
