Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
