Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
