i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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