if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
