I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
