She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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