there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
