A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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