im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You took a bar mat shot.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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