I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
did i just pee glitter
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize