A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
