can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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