We got so high we made milksteak
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
