If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
