Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
