matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
