I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
