Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My penis needs a shock collar
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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