she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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