if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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