hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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