Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
