She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
