how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize