I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
