Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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