Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
