I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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