i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
