i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
