I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
