I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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