My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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