I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize