I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
