Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
