He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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