Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
