I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i love accidental penises.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
