I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
