my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
