p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
