Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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