They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
