They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize