Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
no you cant smoke seaweed
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
