Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just saw a hot homeless man
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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