under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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