New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
