I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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