At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
