Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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