Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
