He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
