discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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