the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
