walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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