But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
