I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Let's get the cat blown out
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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