My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Your cock deserves a montage
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize