By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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