I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
