i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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