something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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