I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
