Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize