TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
