my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
