take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just blew my weed a kiss
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
