yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
