let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
