I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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