i was born a porn star she said
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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